saltinourstars | If it feels like falling you probably already fell

If it feels like falling you probably already fell - for horned_owl

Karasuno's come a long way from the "fallen rivals" no one could be bothered to practice against. Since they've qualified for Nationals, there have been several requests for scrimmages. Then Fukurodani asked for an entire weekend. Coach Ukai jumped on that one. True, they're competition. But after the improvements from Tokyo Summer Camp? Who knows what could come out of this.

So here it is. Crows vs. Owls. They've finished up their first joint practice and everyone's chattering. Excited about tomorrow's scrimmage, trading insults and tips. Tsukki wipes the sweat from his face, satisfied with the practice. Maybe even smiling a little. Definitely about the blocks, though. Nothing to do with any spiky-haired loud-mouths hooting around the court.

Or the fact Bokuto's sleeping at his house.

(Their school isn't set up for overnight guests. Solution? The Fukurodani players are staying with the Karasuno families.)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Wow. That's actually impressive. It sounds like Bokuto did go to a lot of extra effort.

"It's easier to start with the larger ones. Like the Big and Little Dipper..."

Taking Bokuto's hand, he traces them out. Did it feel like this last time? All warm and humming in his head? Tsukki's pretty sure not. Or maybe he just didn't register what it was. He'd been so exhausted and frustrated... if it weren't for Bokuto, he might have hated that whole camp.

What a strange thing to realize now.

Bokuto hums and watches intently what Tsukishima is showing him. Huh. It really is easier to find big ones, with circles or stuff like that.

He grins and turns to look at Tsukishima.

"Well. I also didn't have a good teacher to show me."

Tsukishima shrugs. But at least doesn't deny this compliment. It's nice that someone appreciates his efforts. Unlike certain ungrateful teammates.

"...You're a good teacher too. I don't mean only with volleyball."

Bokuto is never, ever getting called "senpai." But Tsukki can give him this.

Silence falls. Tsukki's clearly not done, just... figuring out the right words. He has made his peace with his brother, with middle school. However, it's not something he's ever discussed with anyone who wasn't there.

"So once I asked you why you liked volleyball... Do you want to know why I didn't?"

"I am?" He is? "I taught you something else than volleyball? Huh... I wasn't aware." Bokuto grins anyway. "But if I helped, I'm happy!"

If Tsukishima ever calls him senpai, he'll cry. There won't be any holding back and the whole world would know that Tsukki called him 'senpai'.

Bokuto is silent for a moment, watching the sky, then looks at Tsukishima.

"Well, I always wanted to know. But, talking about things you don't like is always harder than about things you do, y'know? Because there's usually a reason and they aren't always nice." And Bokuto might be an airhead from time to time, but he can see when things are serious. Just that question Tsukishima asked him was on the completely new level. Something he never had to answer.

"If you are willing to tell me," Bokuto crosses his legs and shifts so he can see Tsuksihima a bit better, "I'm always willing to listen."

It spills out. Maybe Bokuto wants to watch him, and that's fine. Tsukki keeps his eyes fixed on the moon. Letting the words go on without him. About Akiteru, Karasuno, Yamaguchi. The whole humiliating mess spilling into the chilly air.

"...It hurt. I know you're an only child, I don't know if I can explain it - but - I worshiped Akiteru. Especially after our dad left. And he lied. For years. About a stupid game. And I was a stupid kid who believed everything."

Tsukki's fingers curl up. There's heat prickling behind his eyes and he blinks furiously. Refusing to cry about this.

"So I decided not to care."

Edited 2017-09-23 19:53 (UTC)

Bokuto listened carefully. Watching every line of Tsukishima's face, picking up on expressions and emotions as he goes through the story. And the pieces of the puzzle finally fit in.

It's true, he's the only child. But, if someone close to him did something like this, he would probably stop liking the sport himself. And considering the way Bokuto is, he wouldn't even linger around it, compared to Tsukishima.

Bokuto shakes his head slowly, "You're not stupid. You trusted someone so deeply and they ended up turning out to be something they aren't. You had and still have, every right to be mad about it. They teach us all the time to trust our families, so when they end up hurting you, it's no wonder if you end up not trusting anyone else."

He leans forward, on his knees and brushes fingers over Tsukishima's cheek. "But you do care. And from my experience, the more I say that I don't care, the more I do. Because, despite the things that happened, your brother gave you something nice and you treasure it."

There's a shuddering sigh at that. Tsukki leans fractionally into the touch. Grateful for the stability, that Bokuto hasn't just tackled him into a hug. Which would have brought everything crashing to a halt.

"He did, and then he broke it. And Akiteru's sorry. I know that, he's been trying to make up for it for years."

Tsukki pushes his glasses up. Rubbing at his eyes. He isn't even angry with Akiteru, he never was. He just didn't understand.

"I'm on the same team. I could have gone to another school, my grades were good enough. Of course I cared."

That's the real kicker. Tsukki could have quit, at anytime. He didn't need a sports scholarship, to put up with the hours of practice, Kageyama's attitude, Hinata's insufferable sunshine. So what was he trying to prove? That he could beat the team that spit out his brother?

"And then you came along."

The summer training camp came along. It's been few months since then but Bokuto can remember every detail of it. The long practices, not enough sleep despite going to bed early. Tsukishima being distant, avoiding everyone. And then ended up asking him why they try so hard.

From the looks of it, the answer he provided had helped him out, even just a little bit.

Bokuto smiles. "Mmhmm. Lot's of nice memories from training camp. I'm glad you gave volleyball a second chance because the way you looked that night, it felt as if you would quit the second you came back home." Bokuo is glad Tsukishima didn't give up.

"It was close. I knew I couldn't keep coasting. You, Yamaguchi, Kuroo... you all still wanted to be there. Volleyball hadn't destroyed you."

Tsukishima doesn't often get called on his bullshit. But that was the week for it. Yamaguchi chewing him out - at least that was deserved. He had the right. All the information. But who was the noisy owl to declare 'You suck'? Bokuto hadn't known anything about Tsukki then. Except what was in front of him.

A guy not trying. Never mind why Tsukishima didn't want to try. That still stung.

There's a deep breath in. Out. In again.

"And then you actually answered the question. Why someone would want this so much."

Well, volleyball destroys Bokuto daily, in different ways. But it certainly isn't with the intensity that hurt Tsukishima. He held it dear because of his brother, and when that was gone he was left with nothing. Only a sport he knows basics of, pain and ressentiment.

"I did answer it," Bokuto leaned chin on his entwined fingers. "The answer was, as much as it was truthful, a double-edged knife. Some people find their motivation back. Some don't. Since that night, I truly, truly hoped you will pull through. The talent doesn't matter if you don't feel like playing."

Tsukki nods.

"Thank you."

He knew he had that hope behind him. Bokuto, Yamaguchi, Akiteru. More then that, his whole team. He could make them better. If he wanted. And somehow - it was enough. Cracks in the shell. And when the moment came -

"'That's the moment you'll be hooked on volleyball.' And I got it. Shutting down Ushijima. One point out of twenty-five, but that was mine."

Closing his hand, Tsukishima remembered the pain. Not from the split in his pinkie. Or from having his heart broken. It was a new one. The agony of having to leave the court when everything felt so right.

But - There will be more opportunities. He knows it. There's a smile, and Tsukki's finally able to look at Bokuto again.

"I wonder if stopping you will be another one?"

Bokuto can't hold back the grin. He saw the match later, on the computer, but it was probably ten times better in person and felt incredible to shut down one of the most insane spikers in Japan.

"Yeah! I watched the match at home. And I could tell Akaashi watched it too because when we came to practice next day his tosses were so precise it scared the shit out of me."

Akaashi is scary in general.

With a small laugh, Bokuto leans behind and keeps grinning: "Oho? You want to stop me, huh? Just so you know Tsukki! I love you to bits but I won't go easy on you!" His grin turns into a warm smile, "It would be an insult to you."

Tsukki's own expression goes a little sharp at that first bit. Now that's interesting. Of course they're not trying to get an advantage here. However, hearing Akaashi's play style changed? There's a flare of pride at that.

Then Bokuto goes on - and Tsukki's mouth drops open. He has to shake himself, trying to process.

"Wait. What did you say?"

Akaashi doesn't want to be outsmarted by anyone. Not even his favorite underling.

Bokuto's confused for a second, not getting why is Tsukishima so shocked. Did he say something weird? Rewinding, he can't remember anything odd with-

Oh. Oh.

Bokuto's face turns Nekoma shade of red and his hands flail around.

"W-Wait-! Uh! I-I didn't-! Well!" ...this is not helping, huh? "..." It's not a lie but he shouldn't have said it NOW!

"Wow. Is the mighty Ace of Fukurodani actually backing down?"

Tsukishima folds his arms. Arching a brow. It is only years of top-notch training in Sarcasm that lets him hold this pose. It feels like his heart is going to hammer out of his chest.

He wants to hear it.

!! "O-Of course not!"

Just give him a minute, please! He almost gave himself a heart attack. This wasn't what he planned. He envisioned confession on Tokyo Tower, on New year's eve, sharing a scarf.

...he's romantic soul, sue him.

Bokuto clears his throat and looks up at Tsukishima, still red in face, but smiling. "I love you to bits, Tsukki!"

"Okay."

Romance has never been a priority in Tsukki's life. Which is probably a complete and utter shock. However, he isn't making a bad show. There's moonlight, stars, and when he leans forward to kiss Bokuto it's long and sweet. There may be hope.

"...I'm going to need time. Are you alright with that?"

He's falling. It's just slower. Tsukki's never been in love, or even liked anyone half the way he does Bokuto. He needs to get used to these new words in his head.

Bokuto will be red in face for a very long time. Not even that nice, long kiss is making him feel less calm. It was appreciated, though, the effort. He kisses him back and smiles.

"Mm. It's more than fine. I didn't plan to say it now or anytime soon it just, well, it slipped out." Not thinking in advance is going to be the death of him one day, just as Akaashi predicted.

He wraps his hand around Tsukki's middle, to keep him sitting by his side after the kiss.

This close, it's obvious Tsukki's usual calm is shaken too. Breathing faster, leaning into Bokuto a bit more then he has previously. Hand settling on top of the one around his waist. Just... thinking. Stabilizing.

Then he pushes up.

"Come on. I told Mom we'd be later, but we should get going."

In any other situation, Bokuto would protest. However, momma Tsukki was mentioned and he nods obediently. Getting Kei into trouble is not a plan. Getting embarrassing childhood stories about Kei is the plan.

He nods and gets up as well.

"Yeah, we shouldn't worry her." Now, where did he drop his stuff?

(Ask her about the dinosaur costume Bo~)

Tsukishima scoops up their things. Apparently content to carry the whole lot himself, unless there's a protest. Maybe he doesn't make huge declarations. But he does show affection in quieter ways. If you're paying attention.

There's one more long, considering look at Bokuto. The moon suits him too, Tsukki decides. Lights up his hair, his eyes, and makes him seem more like an owl then ever.

"Hey. Promise something."

(Of course!)

He would've protested because it's not fair for Tsukishima to carry everything but he interrupts his train of thought.

"Hm?"

Promise? He's not usually asked to do such things, except in "promise not to train too much" cases.

"Promise you won't go easy on me. It's the only way I'm going to get better."

Tsukki isn't thinking of only volleyball. He means this... thing that they're building. He wants to be the best at this too. Bokuto deserves that.

He doesn't think for one second that Bokuto would. It's just important to hear out loud.

Bokuto never intended to go easy on Tsukishima because, well, that's how he rolls. Of course, he respects when Tsukki needs time to wind down from stuff (something he should try to incorporate as well), but he never underestimates him.

"I promise on my owl honor, that I shall never go easy on you. In anything. Especially volleyball, eating tons of barbecue and kissing!"

It might sound goofy but- it's Bokuto. He means every single word of the promise he just made.

True, Tsukki does need processing time. It's different then the bottomless pit of trying not to care. That's what he wants to stay out of. This is better.

Weird, but better.

"'Owl Honor.'"

He shakes his head and there's a huff of laughter.

"Good enough. Come on."

Tsukki does not give up either duffel bag. Deal with it. It's not a long way to the house, anyway. The moon drifts behind them as they talk (or Bokuto rambles, Tsukishima inserts occasional sarcasm.)

Yay September babies! ❤

Beautiful ❤

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