I know, and I didn't say that because I thought it was expected.
[Suga doesn't release his hand, but he's not holding on particularly tight either. It's just his way of making sure he's heard, his version of pointing and yelling.]
I am sorry. It's meant - it means the world to me that you've been here to listen and spend time with me lately. Because of you, I've gotten to set aside the mask that convinces everyone I'm always okay and... and really feel all the pain, and the fear. Not alone, not just because it was too overwhelming to ignore, but because I had support.
If I haven't made it clear how much of a role you've already played in teaching me to be better about letting people in, and how much it's already helped... I'm sorry for that.
[And at last, a warm, genuine smile returns to Suga's face.]
But now that you know, you'd better not forget it!
That... Is somehow the most threatening apology I've ever gotten.
[Tsukki should take notes.
It's strange. Being thanked for taking down someone else's walls. He mulls on that. Eyes drifting back to the TV - just in time for one of the more creative deaths. He jolts. Dislodging from Sugawara.]
Suga laughs, shaking his head at the immaculate timing.]
Yeah, did I ever tell you what this is about? These people are caught in a giant trap made up of identical cubical rooms that each kill you in different ways. It's like proto-Saw but without the backstory, motive, mastermind, that kind of thing. Pure cosmic horror, they're just there because they're there.
[That was a pretty massive dose of Emotions, and mostly on Tsukishima's side. He deserves the reward of not Emotioning for awhile.]
Come on, Tsukishima-kun, you're not even a year in yet! You haven't really been tortured until you get to experience studying for final exams and university entrance exams all year while, you know, actually getting through your last year of school.
[It's not something to mind, though. Not when it reminds him of facts. They won. Karasuno beat a Nationally ranked team, a Junior Olympian, and Tsukki would do it all again. Wants to.
Especially now. Seeing the smile grow and grow on Sugawara's face.]
[There's a reminder. Not just of the injury itself, but of Tsukishima's wrapped hand slamming Ushijiima's spike into the floor like a cannonball. If Suga's heart starts racing and he gets the same rush of excitement just remembering the moment, how Tsukishima's roar of victory filled the gym, how must it feel for Tsukishima himself?]
That was a star-making game for you. There are a lot of people in this country who'll probably never forget the middle blocker that denied Ushijima Wakatoshi his senior year victory lap.
[And if that ain't exactly how Tsukishima of all people would want to be remembered... the thought makes Suga chuckle.]
[That compliment's the perfect mix of praise and petty.
Tsukki's smirk goes sharp. Everyone was just so sure Shiratorizawa would smash through Karasuno. Then comes a 1st-Year, skinny Middle Blocker from a nowhere team. Tsukki still feels the shine of it. The certainty as everything connected and changed]
[Suga's no stranger to Tsukishima's smug face. No one who's been in Tsukishima's company for more than a few minutes can be a stranger to his smug face. But the addition of real, hard-earned confidence replacing its usual foundation of arrogance makes the expression so much more...
... Sugawara has to look away before he can come up with the answer. He just knows, somehow, that it'll be a less than comfortable realization.]
Stunned. It took as long for him to process as everyone else. I don't think being kill blocked had even occurred to him as possible, never mind a real risk.
[But naturally, with Suga being a heavily empathetic setter and all:]
What I'll never forget is the look on the setter's face. He knew before Ushijima even touched the ball.
Picking on your other muses? Must be a day that ends in -Y!
[The realization is probably along these lines - Confidence looks good on Tsukishima. Even more as he laughs. Pleased to have more insight on the moment.]
Geeze, that guy. He was so smug about Ushiwaka!
[Breaking apart arrogance like that? One of the best feelings.]
this is the curse of loving cinnamon rolls and gremlins equally
[Hot. That's the word Sugawara deflected before it could enter his brain. He can admire Tsukishima, enjoy his company, give to and receive comfort from him, but desire him?
That feels ill-advised. Sure hope that doesn't happen.]
Shirabu Kenjiro. He's always had a bad attitude, and I doubt Shiratorizawa showed Semi Eita half the care everyone showed me when he got benched to make room for a first year. [What's that? Another thing Suga rarely talks about in such direct language? It goes by fast, maybe even too fast for Tsukishima to catch when the topic swings back to him soon after:] I'm glad their camp was a valuable experience for you and you deserved the spot, but I'll be honest - that team's whole M.O. stinks and part of me wished you didn't have to have anything to do with them.
Yeah. Well. Somebody said some bullshit about it being an honor!
[The camp was a mixed bag, and Tsukki's still sorting out the results. It did feel good to be acknowledged, though. Before certain insufferable gingers crashed in.]
I wouldn't want to play for Coach Washijo, that's for sure. Guy's a despot.
Coach Anabara wasn't too bad.
[He does note the 'Benched' comment. Tucks it to the side.]
omg is that why he's become my hyperfocus character...
It was an honor! And you even made new friends! The camp was a net positive, but that doesn't make Shiratorizawa any less misguided.
[Anabara... that's not surprising, Suga thinks. Tsukishima needs a strict hand to bring out his best performance, but he'd undoubtedly still prefer someone more laid-back who'd just let him get on with things.]
[Is it hypocritical that Suga finds Tsukishima's disrespect hilarious when it's directed away from himself and the rest of the team? Probably, but he never claimed to be perfect.]
I wasn't gonna say it, but that really is what it's all about with him, isn't it? Just inevitable that the wheels would eventually fall off that bus.
Mad that I acted respecless?/ It's 'cuz no one can respect this
... man, I just realized how much I'd love to be here next year to see how some of these teams manage. Shiratorizawa's losing almost everyone but their bench and Seijoh's losing Oikawa and Iwaizumi...
[He shakes his head, grinning to himself. Turns out his spin on things is more positive.]
I'd say you guys will have an even easier path to Nationals next year. The options for new captain on both those teams are... dire. [There's the disrespect.]
[Suga chuckles; then, without warning, the smile drops completely from his face and he gives Tsukishima a deadly serious look.]
I want you guys to annihilate Dateko. Every time, as many times as it takes.
Is that better?
[As much as Suga knows that Asahi has always been the architect of his own problems, that team still gets under his skin. Even with the friendlier faces like Koganegawa, even with Aone having turned out to be a gentle yeti. Some first impressions just never fade.]
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[Suga doesn't release his hand, but he's not holding on particularly tight either. It's just his way of making sure he's heard, his version of pointing and yelling.]
I am sorry. It's meant - it means the world to me that you've been here to listen and spend time with me lately. Because of you, I've gotten to set aside the mask that convinces everyone I'm always okay and... and really feel all the pain, and the fear. Not alone, not just because it was too overwhelming to ignore, but because I had support.
If I haven't made it clear how much of a role you've already played in teaching me to be better about letting people in, and how much it's already helped... I'm sorry for that.
[And at last, a warm, genuine smile returns to Suga's face.]
But now that you know, you'd better not forget it!
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[Tsukki should take notes.
It's strange. Being thanked for taking down someone else's walls. He mulls on that. Eyes drifting back to the TV - just in time for one of the more creative deaths. He jolts. Dislodging from Sugawara.]
The hell - ?!
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Suga laughs, shaking his head at the immaculate timing.]
Yeah, did I ever tell you what this is about? These people are caught in a giant trap made up of identical cubical rooms that each kill you in different ways. It's like proto-Saw but without the backstory, motive, mastermind, that kind of thing. Pure cosmic horror, they're just there because they're there.
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[Great. That's enough Emotions. Time to watch strangers suffer instead!]
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Come on, Tsukishima-kun, you're not even a year in yet! You haven't really been tortured until you get to experience studying for final exams and university entrance exams all year while, you know, actually getting through your last year of school.
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[About as much fun as the terrified people throwing boots to activate traps.]
Don't forget 'Going to Nationals,' you whiner.
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You know... if I don't concentrate on keeping it in my mind, I keep forgetting that's real. We're actually going to Nationals.
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[It's not something to mind, though. Not when it reminds him of facts. They won. Karasuno beat a Nationally ranked team, a Junior Olympian, and Tsukki would do it all again. Wants to.
Especially now. Seeing the smile grow and grow on Sugawara's face.]
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That was a star-making game for you. There are a lot of people in this country who'll probably never forget the middle blocker that denied Ushijima Wakatoshi his senior year victory lap.
[And if that ain't exactly how Tsukishima of all people would want to be remembered... the thought makes Suga chuckle.]
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Tsukki's smirk goes sharp. Everyone was just so sure Shiratorizawa would smash through Karasuno. Then comes a 1st-Year, skinny Middle Blocker from a nowhere team. Tsukki still feels the shine of it. The certainty as everything connected and changed]
How was the look on his face? I didn't catch it.
[What with the scream of triumph and all.]
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... Sugawara has to look away before he can come up with the answer. He just knows, somehow, that it'll be a less than comfortable realization.]
Stunned. It took as long for him to process as everyone else. I don't think being kill blocked had even occurred to him as possible, never mind a real risk.
[But naturally, with Suga being a heavily empathetic setter and all:]
What I'll never forget is the look on the setter's face. He knew before Ushijima even touched the ball.
Picking on your other muses? Must be a day that ends in -Y!
Geeze, that guy. He was so smug about Ushiwaka!
[Breaking apart arrogance like that? One of the best feelings.]
this is the curse of loving cinnamon rolls and gremlins equally
That feels ill-advised. Sure hope that doesn't happen.]
Shirabu Kenjiro. He's always had a bad attitude, and I doubt Shiratorizawa showed Semi Eita half the care everyone showed me when he got benched to make room for a first year. [What's that? Another thing Suga rarely talks about in such direct language? It goes by fast, maybe even too fast for Tsukishima to catch when the topic swings back to him soon after:] I'm glad their camp was a valuable experience for you and you deserved the spot, but I'll be honest - that team's whole M.O. stinks and part of me wished you didn't have to have anything to do with them.
Lucky you Suga is a Cinnamon Gremlin
Yeah. Well. Somebody said some bullshit about it being an honor!
[The camp was a mixed bag, and Tsukki's still sorting out the results. It did feel good to be acknowledged, though. Before certain insufferable gingers crashed in.]
I wouldn't want to play for Coach Washijo, that's for sure. Guy's a despot.
Coach Anabara wasn't too bad.
[He does note the 'Benched' comment. Tucks it to the side.]
omg is that why he's become my hyperfocus character...
[Anabara... that's not surprising, Suga thinks. Tsukishima needs a strict hand to bring out his best performance, but he'd undoubtedly still prefer someone more laid-back who'd just let him get on with things.]
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Guess that's what happens when your coach has Short Man Syndrome.
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I wasn't gonna say it, but that really is what it's all about with him, isn't it? Just inevitable that the wheels would eventually fall off that bus.
Mad that I acted respecless?/ It's 'cuz no one can respect this
People who won't adapt get picked apart by crows.
[Join in the disrespect! It's fun!]
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[He shakes his head, grinning to himself. Turns out his spin on things is more positive.]
I'd say you guys will have an even easier path to Nationals next year. The options for new captain on both those teams are... dire. [There's the disrespect.]
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[It is hilarious. Tsukki can't wait to fuck with that guy. Shiratorizawa's even worse, no obvious personalities besides 'Jock.'
Then he sobers.]
But Date Tech's only getting stronger, and who knows what First Year freaks will show up on other teams. Overconfidence is how you lose.
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I've... never been so proud...
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[Tsukki waves a hand. Trying to dismiss such opulent praise, before it actually does go to his head. Last thing he needs.]
What did I just say about crying?!
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I want you guys to annihilate Dateko. Every time, as many times as it takes.
Is that better?
[As much as Suga knows that Asahi has always been the architect of his own problems, that team still gets under his skin. Even with the friendlier faces like Koganegawa, even with Aone having turned out to be a gentle yeti. Some first impressions just never fade.]
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[There it is. One of Sugawara's rare shifts, from cheerful to intent. Eyes iron, voice steel. Tsukki's only caught it a couple of times.
He nods.
Deal.]
By the way? You just asked for something you want. Good job.
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Hey! Praise is my job, you can't just turn the tables like that!!
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