saltinourstars | Until we let the spectrum in - Nationals Final

[It’s going to be a quiet ride home, Suga suspects. Nearly everyone spent their nights locked in their overactive minds, if the bleary faces lining the rows of their bus are anything to go by, and exhaustion is due to set in any time.

Suga’s not sure if he’s ready for collapse yet. The need to stay alert for the others, watch over them in this time of profound disappointment and grief, is doubly strong after he spent the day before giving in to his emotions at every turn.]

Oh no, I woke you up… sorry, Tsukki. [Those words ring in his head for a moment, combined with Tsukki telling him to shut up the day before, and he laughs to himself.] Good, because you definitely do.

[Sensei lets everyone know that they’re leaving, last chance for bathroom or anything else they’ve forgotten. Resounding silence greets the announcement and the bus pulls out.]

I’m not here to keep you from sleep, though, if that’s what you need right now. Okay?

['Sorry Tsukki' gets a chuckle.]

You don't know the half of it.

[Which might be hard to believe? Suga already knows about that Middle School Crush...

Yawning again, Tsukki fishes out the glasses.]

Same to you.

I don’t feel all that sleepy, to be honest… but I’ll keep it in mind.

[The eerie silence all around them already has Suga keeping his voice to a whisper, and when he looks around…]

Jeez, looks like everyone else is already knocked out. I’m glad.

[This is... Mostly true. But if anyone's awake, they're keeping quiet. So different from their first trip. No one even points out Tokyo Tower.

Tsukki matches the quiet tone. Leaning close to Suga.]

Mm.

It feels... Weird.

Did you ever read those books about Narnia?

[It's a childish reference, but Suga won't laugh.]

Narnia… [A lot of realms from childhood literature have similar names, so Suga has to reach back in his mind to make sure he fishes out the right one.]

With the four kids that find another world? And a lot of talking animals?

Right. Through a wardrobe.

The kids grow up into kings and queens, then end up going back through the wardrobe and turn into kids again.

After all that.

[Back to the real world. Where this bus is going. To homework and tests and everything so... normal. ]

Ah… that’s bleak.

[Suga frowns thoughtfully. After a long moment, he finally says:]

If you were Asahi, I’d punch you in the side right now.

[Tsukki holds up both hands and glares. Blocking skills fully activated!]

I'm not trying to be bleak!

I'm just explaining!

[Suga just laughs, one hand over his mouth to keep from getting too noisy.]

I'm not going to, don't worry. What you said does make sense. I keep thinking about how we're going to be like conquering heroes to so many people when we get back, and I'll constantly have this "but..." in the back of my head.

[Another thoughtful silence.]

... I was actually encouraged to retire from the team. By my teachers, my guidance counsellor... none of them understood why I'd stay when I'm not even a regular player and I have no plans of playing after high school. It would've felt so much better to come back as national champions, you know?

I didn't know that.

[Tsukki stares ahead. Turning something over.]

They were wrong to tell you that. Even if we lost the very next game.

[There's venom in those words. Shit. His filters really have taken a beating. Tsukki rubs at his eyes. Just... The idea of Suga watching Karasuno from the stands...]

Sorry.

That sort of thing pisses me off.

[The genuine fury in Tsukki's response startles Suga, but only for a moment. Then it brings a slightly shaky smile to his lips.]

That's exactly what I would've wanted to hear if I had told anyone at the time.

[And imagine Tsukishima being the one to tell him so. Fondness floods Suga's heart without warning and, after another quick glance around the bus, he grabs one of Tsukki's hands to give it a little squeeze.

He shouldn't do things like that when Tsukki's still processing his confession. Blame it on the dissolution of his own filters.]

[Except there's a squeeze back.

Their hands are between them, out of sight. Everyone's in their own heads. So... Tsukki doesn't pull his away.]

[Wow, did Suga's heart actually just try to jump all the way out of his chest?

Face suddenly red hot, Suga looks down at their hands, then back up at Tsukki, then straight ahead with a dopey smile on his face.

He's not asking questions. This is too nice to ruin with questions.]

[They're not coming back the same kids. They don't need crowns or titles. Even if they're granted, that's not why Karasuno is here. Why Suga is here. It's because ...]

'What else do you need but pride.'

Yamaguchi said that.

Last summer, at camp, when everything was so bad. Well. Really, he screamed it while shaking me.

I get it now.

[The image of Yamaguchi shaking the shit out of Tsukishima is so funny that Suga once again has to cover his mouth with his free hand to muffle a quick laugh.]

I’m glad. I’m really glad you’ve got him to guide you out of those times.

And he’s right. On top of that, no one can be a success and a winner and top of the class every time… trying and failing and appreciating the experience anyway is what makes you a person. I really believe this taught me more than cram school would’ve.

[Tsukkideserved that tongue-lashing, and Yamaguchi had every right to it.

Without it?

Tsukki wouldn't be here. Holding the hand of one of the prettiest boys he's ever met. Another sort of experience to appreciate.

He nods.]

Can I ask a question? Why do you play volleyball?

[Suga's brow furrows in thought.]

Why did I choose volleyball...? I knew I wanted to play a sport, but I can't remember why I ended up going with volleyball. [He waves it off with a little gesture.] Anyway. In middle school I was switched from opposite hitter to setter and got - exponentially better right away. Like, spiker really was not my position.

And when I got good, I got competitive. You know? It wasn't just a good way to keep fit and make friends, it was something I could really succeed at. By then we - my whole family, we'd really processed that Kenzo was one-in-a-millon gifted, and it meant a lot to me that I had my special talent too.

[He can't help but chuckle to himself at that. "Special talent" is overstating things when compared to Kenzo, which Kageyama showed him in no uncertain terms this year.]

I guess that's it, really. It's been my way to feel like I'm shooting for something extraordinary.

Edited 2024-06-16 22:41 (UTC)

Hm.

[Tsukki doesn't interrupt the story. Only listens. Putting Suga's 'reason' with the others he's carrying. His own. Bokuto's. Hinata's. His own. Singular moments that broke reality apart.

Suga loves volleyball, but in a different way. Slower, more intentional.]

So... Your reason was something you built up.

It didn't happen all at once.

Yeah, I guess that's right. If there was one "moment," it was probably the first time I played setter in a game we won - something clicked when I realized I'd found my place. That celebration felt different.

[That's still gradual, though, compared to a single moment in time like Tsukki's block.]

There have been some moments this year when I've really felt like my place still belonged to me, though. Those are more... singular.

[Tsukki smirks.]

Like the 5-person Synchro Attack.

I will never forget Inarizaki's faces!

[High risk, high reward. It didn't always work. But when it did - The results were glorious. Opponents left in slack-jawed shock.]

Yes!

[Oop, that was a bit too loud. Suga waits a moment and listens for any grumbled complaints - when there are none, he drops his voice back to his earlier whisper and continues.]

Did you catch when Tendou Satori told me he wanted to break my heart in two during the final? It felt extra-special getting under his skin, didn't it?

Edited 2024-06-17 21:57 (UTC)

[God. Tsukki's all too happy to dump on him.]

Tch.

Guess Monster's an ass. He kept calling me the 'Normal Guy' then he sang at Yamaguchi. Remember, when his serve got stopped early?

I could have punched that freak.

Mm, what you actually did made for much better revenge, though.

[Because that block reverberated through the entire team - he might as well have stolen that point from all of them, not just Ushijima.]

I felt that way about Oikawa, early on. As talented as you all are, the way he came in targeting first-years and practically ignoring the rest of us was cheap. [Unconsciously, his hand tightens around Tsukishima's for a moment as if there's still some need to protect him.] I'll never know how he developed a good reputation for anything other than his sheer talent and skill.

[Tsukki blinks at the tightening grip.]

It bothered you?

[It's jarring. Anyone (besides Yamaguchi) being so offended on his behalf. Tsukki has to dig for that match. Buried in the determination to not care not care not care.

He considers the game. Their first brush with Aoba Josai, the famed 'Great King.']

Oikawa's a pompous shit, but he's smart. He went for the weakness in our defense. The First Year who wasn't trying, without a Freak Quick or a Genius Set. It didn't feel personal. It felt obvious.

Really... It's not much different from what I do.

[Tsukki’s right, of course. And yet.

And yet…?

Ah, this is embarrassing.]

… huh. Maybe I’ve always been keeping an eye on you.

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I love Tendou, Tsukki does NOT XD

it's like a clip show episode :')

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