Overflow / PSL 2

[saltinourstars]

Continued nonsense

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[beautymarker]

I am...

[For some inexplicable reason, explaining his own idiocy actually helps to calm Suga's breathing, until his voice is almost steady by the end.]

... I knew exactly how this would go and that's why I never bothered... or I thought that was why, but now I think that was just my stupid way of holding onto some kind of hope. If you're never rejected, there's always a chance you never would've been! Like Schrödinger's Confession or something.

But then someone got into my head about honesty and trust between friends and now... what? He knows and feels awful for never realizing it himself, I know 100% for absolutely certain that he doesn't feel the same about me. What did that help?!

[saltinourstars]

Right now?

Not much.

[Tsukki's just going to railroad any protests because Still Making a Point.]

I mean it's too soon to know.

Look. I might - Have done something like this. And it absolutely sucked, and I was probably as gross as you. No, wait. Worse.

[beautymarker]

... you did?

Are you alright?

[Even while actively having a breakdown, Sugawara can hit pause to check on his kouhai's well-being.]

[saltinourstars]

Now I am.

[Ugh. He was not looking to dredge this up. But if it helps Sugawara stop sounding so awful...

Tsukki sighs.]

It was Yamaguchi. In Junior High.

[beautymarker]

Oh. [Soft and full of empathy, but also awed that Tsukishima would share something like that with him.

For now, at least, his tears have dried up.]

[saltinourstars]

Yeah.

[Sugawara sounds less soggy.

All it's going to cost is Tsukki's ears burning off.]

He was nice about it. It's Yamaguchi. But no one really wants to hear "You're my Best Friend" instead of "Yes."

[beautymarker]

... and now you're two of the closest friends I've ever seen.

[Sniffle sniffle.]

Would you take it back if you could?

[saltinourstars]

No.

[Tsukki bristles at the thought, even though Sugawara can't possibly know the root. Why staying in the dark was impossible.]

A lie by omission is still a lie.

And lying... I think that's the worst thing you can do.

[beautymarker]

[Sugawara's quiet for a long moment, his sniffly breaths the only sound from his end of the line.]

In some ways, you're really mature for your age, Tsukishima.

[Now that he's starting to calm down, Sugawara feels even more embarrassed about having brought this to his kouhai. But why? They're friends, right? Tsukishima's handled it very calmly, and he doesn't seem the type to shoulder burdens that aren't his just because he's been made aware of them. He'll support, but he won't martyr himself.

What a wonderfully odd person he is.]

[saltinourstars]

[Tsukki isn't comfortable, being the shoulder to cry on. Still - This is how it is. He's not going to shrug Sugawara off. Metaphorically.]

I'm always mature.

[Sarcasm is not the same as lies.]

Anyway - Yamaguchi wasn't a shit about it. Can't believe Captain would be either.

They're kind of alike.

[beautymarker]

No... you're right, Daichi took it well and he's gonna keep taking it well no matter what. If it ever does bother him, he won't let it show.

I just hate the certainty of it all. Even if I don't plan to live in delusion land for the rest of my life, I'd like the option!

[saltinourstars]

Oh?

Well, bad news! Staying in delusion makes things worse!

[There's a bitter tinge to that. Deep breaths. This is not about Tsukishima's issues. This is about Sugawara, his pain, which is apparently something to care about now..]

What did he say, exactly?

[beautymarker]

[Eep. He's got to be more careful about what he says here.]

He said... [Remembering the moment makes his throat get tight again and his voice starts to tremble.] ... that it was okay, mostly. He kept saying it's okay, it's okay. And that he was honored by my feelings.

[saltinourstars]

Oof.

Well, that's not the worst it could go.

[Is this how you Comfort.]

It sounds more like he was worried about you. Not Horrified By The Gay.

[beautymarker]

Heh… yeah, I would’ve thrown myself off a cliff if he said he was flattered.

I’m not gonna lose him. That’s the important thing. I just need to… remember that, stop being selfish. No one gets everything they want.

[saltinourstars]

Guess not.

[Which Tsukki's fine saying. Salty brat Realist that he is. But hearing it from this guy - Always cheerful, always pushing and smiling and teasing - It doesn't fit. Hearing Sugawara so down on himself.

Maybe that's what pushes the next words out.]

Um.

Do you want. Company. Or something?

[beautymarker]

[He does, he wants company desperately, so for once he just answers without thinking about what the other person might need.]

Yeah. I'm just... kind of wandering around right now, I don't want to go back home while I'm still such a disaster. So I can meet you anywhere.

[saltinourstars]

Okay

[Tsukki ducks back into the house, grabs a few things.]

There's a bookstore across from Shimada Mart. Green door. Probably a really fat cat in the window.

You know it?

[beautymarker]

I'll meet you there.

Thanks, Tsukishima-kun.

[He's actually quite close by, as it happens, so Tsukishima will find Suga waiting outside with his arms wrapped around himself. While he's not still actively crying, his eyes are red-rimmed and puffy and there's a visible fragility to his placid expression.

If only he hadn't bolted from the house so quickly himself after sending Daichi into his mini-crisis... it's not terribly warm out, and he's got no money or anything on him so he can't even buy Tsukishima a snack or drink to thank him.]

[saltinourstars]

[He won't be waiting too long. Soon Tsukishima's rounding the corner. Bundled up in his headphones and a scarf. Spotting Sugawara, he nods. Digs into a pocket.]

Hey.

[He producing a pack of tissues. Tossing it over.]

Here. You're gross.

[beautymarker]

[That - is the perfect opening line. Having to think fast enough to catch the tissues pulls Sugawara out of his head, and Tsukishima's remark startles a laugh out of him that makes it much easier to offer a genuine smile.]

Jeez, I don't even want to think about how I must look right now... [Dabbing at his eyes, blowing his nose, wiping his cheeks, it feels good to clear away some of the mess.] There! Do I pass inspection now?

[saltinourstars]

[Meanwhile, Tsukki fusses with his glasses. Using the scarf to clean them. He looks up at Sugawara. Gold eyes free of their usual dark frames.]

Sure.

[Then he smirks. Sliding the glasses back in place.]

[beautymarker]

[It's not the first time Suga's noticed and won't be the last, but something about the light where they're standing makes the fact stand out even more: Tsukishima has incredibly striking eyes.

Then the thought and the moment both pass, as always.]

You know what? You should probably just leave those off, I'll be your seeing eye Suga.

[saltinourstars]

Ha ha.

Thought I was doing my good deed for the year.

[With that, Tsukki heads into the shop. It's mostly second-hand stock, along with a little coffee stand and wrapped snacks. There is, as promised, a huge cat sleeping in the window. Curled into a nest of blankets and knocked-over books.

Above him a sign reads 'DO NOT FEED THE MENACE'.]

[beautymarker]

[If Tsukishima thinks that Suga's just going to walk past that absolute unit, he's an utter fool. He doesn't pester the cat in any way, though, just crouches down to look closer with an enchanted smile.]

Look at you... someone already fed you a bowling ball, huh?