saltinourstars | Until we let the spectrum in - Nationals Final

Tsukki.

[Suga's already had his moment of raw grief with Daichi and Asahi, so now he's looking for younger teammates who might need comfort as the order of the world reasserts itself. It's cruel but also a blessing, how the game demands that they pull themselves together just seconds after breaking their hearts.

It's not surprising that Tsukki looks a million miles away. Immediate displays of emotion are still rare for him, even with all the strides he's made during this incredible year. Yamaguchi's at Tsukki's other side, tears streaming freely down his freckled cheeks; Suga doubts he'll break through this fugue if Yamaguchi hasn't managed it but he still has to try.]

Come on, you two. We need to line up at the net.

[He feels sick. It feels like a betrayal, denying these kids the keen stab of their sadness... but he's still a kid too, isn't he? This is the last time he'll stand on a volleyball court as a kid. Tears sting his eyes again and he wipes them away, frustrated.]

[Suga's voice is far away.

An arm slaps across Tsukki's back. Yamaguchi pulling him forward. Yamaguchi, who kept them alive through 29, 30, 31. Holding off the Match Point for so long. Crying, biting his lip, he's still making sure Tsukki doesn't stay behind. Not ever.

They plod forward with their Senior. There's a haze of floor and handshakes. Fukurodani crosses the net to share a few more moments. Like Nekoma, they're friends with this team. Pushed each other to the top of Nationals.. They are the two best in the whole country.

They all wanted this so badly. Tsukki wanted it.

When Bokuto hugs him - No cheering, or 'Oya oya's, only a fierce "I know, man" - That's when the tears burn in. Blurring Tsukki's goggles.]

Edited 2024-06-09 12:06 (UTC)

[No one would be surprised to hear that Suga survived one of the greatest heartbreaks of his young life by looking out for someone else, and that's exactly what happens when he sees that Tsukki's begun to cry. They still have to get through so much before they'll be free to grieve properly and Tsukki has finally, finally been overwhelmed by his emotions beyond a quick laugh or shout of vindication.

The extra indignity of being literally blinded is just too cruel.]

We've got you. [He rests a hand on Tsukki's shoulder.] We'll be your eyes.

[Line up again. Bow. Ignore both the ecstatic Fukurodani fans and their own devastated... fans? No, the people who have come to cheer for them are so much more than fans. Even the ones that Suga doesn't know on sight, he knows they must have some close connection to the team that's been a part of lifting them up to this dizzying height - it's easy to love a championship team, after all. It's harder to watch the one you love stumble seven times even if they get up on the eighth. The people who cheered on Karasuno are family.

Often literally, in fact. Suga spots a tall, broad man with sandy blond hair pushing his way right to the front of the courtside viewing and directs Tsukki over to him as Yamaguchi stops to receive tearful praise from Shimada. The elder Tsukishima sputters something about his little brother, isn't he incredible and Suga agrees with a level of intensity that might not be warranted, but is completely honest.]

He's an inspiration.

[And that's about all Suga can give to others for the moment. He claps a hand over his mouth as a real sob rips through him and breaks into an all-out run, pinballing off anyone and anything that happens to get in his way without really seeing them until he finally reaches one of the quiet corridors now devoid of other teams chattering and bouncing in place and preparing for their turn.

There are no more turns. Not for him.

Slumping back against a wall and sliding down into a crouch, Suga covers his face with both hands and gives his heart permission to break.]

[There's slow, slow steps coming down that hall. A thump against the wall, with a familiar sigh. How many times have they done this? As First Years, Second Years, knowing no one thought of Karasuno as anything but a stepping stone. Enduring the snickers of flightless crows, former champions. Fighting tears until they find a quiet corner. A safe place to fall apart.

Daichi slides down next to his best friend. Shoulder to shoulder. Not hiding the sniffles.]

Well.

We sure did fly.

Edited 2024-06-10 00:43 (UTC)

[Suga knows who’s approaching him just by the sound of his footfalls. When Daichi finally sits beside him, Suga throws his arms around his best friend and weeps against his shoulder, the last knot of emotion coming loose.]

I know this is a great moment, I do. I know. But… I’m not ready yet, Daichi. I don’t want to leave them.

[The hug back is immediate. Fierce as a storm.]

I know.

[They're done.

Of course there's platitudes, even truth. You don't just stop caring about friends. They will still support their Juniors. Look out for them, cheer them on. But it will be from the sidelines. This is the end of standing with Karasuno. The team they worked so hard to build.]

I know.

Edited 2024-06-10 13:10 (UTC)

[Bless Daichi for never trying to "captain" Suga the way he does others. As a team member, of course Suga has always been glad to accept his leadership. But as a friend? Daichi's always seemed to know that Suga's emotions tend to be icebergs, a small sliver showing on the surface with entire continents still hidden, and he's always respected that.

Suga takes the opportunity to wring himself dry, making no attempt to restrict the sobs that wrack his body. They'll both have to present brave faces to the public again soon. Better he work out as much as he can now.

When he finally lifts his head again, his face is an entire mess - and he laughs, because the first thing he thinks of is Tsukishima's tissue packets. The best he can do for now is wipe his cheeks dry with the back of his hand, but the reminder spurs him past his grief and that's even more important.]

Thank you, Daichi. [For so much. For so much.] We'd better start rounding those gremlins up, huh?

[Daichi's just as bad - Eyes red, hair plastered in all directions from drying sweat.]

You're welcome.

And - Thank you - for being my Vice Captain. You have been the biggest gremlin, and I wouldn't have wanted anyone else.

[He grins. Wobbly and genuine. Then rolls up. Holding a hand down to Suga.

One more time, they'll lead the Crows on the court. Knowing they did everything to get their dream. Karasuno at Nationals. There's nothing to regret.]

[Nooo, Daichi, that's gonna make him cry again!

Suga needs one more strong, brisk hug after Daichi helps him up. Then, bolstered by Daichi's presence at his side, Suga re-enters the court and scans the sidelines for the next person he wants to see and speak to properly. It looks like their cheering squad have mostly started back toward their seats for the upcoming ceremony, which should make it easier to find -

- yes, there he is. The team's started to gather back together in little groups but Tsukishima's standing slightly apart, not even accompanied by Yamaguchi anymore. Suga jogs over with a smile similar to the one Daichi gave him earlier and asks, in the softest voice he can manage with so much chatter all around them:]

Any chance you can spare a hug? [With the crowds and cameras and emotions and such, Suga will understand if the answer's no. He just has to try.]

MEANWHILE

[Tsukki pulls off the goggles, runs water over his face and hair. Stares into the mirror. He's waiting for his emotions to roil up. The grey funk after Aoba Josai, or the disappointment from Shiratorizawa. The bitterness of not doing enough. This time... Those don't come. He's able to look back at himself. Notice broader shoulders. The definition forming in his arms. It's physical proof of trying, and trying hard.

Tsukki exhales.

Slides on his glasses.

He's just made it back to court when Suga catches up, and it's - Easy. To reach out, and pull in his friend. His teammate. Whatever else they are or aren't they are those.

This, too, is proof.]

[Tsukki pulls him in so suddenly, without even a moment's thought, that Suga's brain actually takes a second to catch up - he gasps audibly and freezes for a split-second in sheer surprise, but just as quickly melts against him.

Friendships get so close on sports teams, even the ones that don't end up blurring any lines, that the length of time Suga spends in Tsukki's arms wouldn't make anyone bat an eyelash. For Suga, though, eternity seems to spin out in front of him with Tsukki's long, long arms holding him close, Tsukki's firm chest under his cheek, the post-exertion heat of their bodies stifling and comforting.

He really could stay like this for the rest of his life and be content.]

[There's debates about crows. If they have funerals. If they mourn the passing of their own.

This flock does.

Slowly, the rest of Karasuno drifts to Tsukki and Suga. Pulled in by the gravity of grief. Staying huddled until called to the ceremony. Then they stumble forward. Everyone linked. Elbows hooked, arms draped over shoulders. Helping each other into the familiar line. #1 - #12.

The top three teams from Boys and Girls are all being honored. It seems especially sadistic. At least the losing teams get to sit. As the individual awards are announced, Tsukki bites back a yawn.

He nearly misses his own name.

"Best Boys Middle Blocker Award - Tsukishima Kei, Karasuno Volleyball Club"]

Edited 2024-06-12 00:20 (UTC)

[When Tsukishima's name gets called for best MB, Suga lets out a round of whooping cheers so loud and raucous that the announcer gives him a sharp look and Daichi has to elbow him in the side. Kageyama also commits first-year robbery by claiming the setter award - Suga can only hope that when he cheers more decorously for Kageyama's victory, everyone assumes it's because of the silent scolding.

As proud as they all are, the ceremony really does bleed them dry of any remaining energy. They need a proper meal, they need baths, they need sleep. It's a blessed relief when they're finally released to their own devices, and naturally Suga's first act is to rush back to Tsukki's side and congratulate him.]

I can't believe I'm actually talking to the best high school middle blocker in the country! Oh my god, can I get your autograph? Can I get a picture with you?!

[He's absolutely dying to do something out of the norm like kiss Tsukki's cheek, which he did get away with early in their friendship, but he forces down the urge. For now.]

[Tsukki examines the certificate. He'd forgotten about this. Even being in the running for such a thing never even occurred. It does not erase the 2nd place, but... It's something to bring home. For the team, for him...

Then teasing breaks through the haze.

He scowls.]

Oh shut up, Sugawara.

[That gets a spluttering laugh from Yamaguchi. Who knows all the nuances of Tsukki's 'Shut up's.]

Never! I'm gonna be bragging about having known and played with all of you for the rest of my days!

[His tone falters a little at that, smile slipping from his face. Why does he keep returning to the fact that it's over, when the positives so massively outweigh the negatives right now? Second place at Nationals! Award-winning players!]

I hope you know what an incredible gift you gave us.

[That's softer, and he glances at Yamaguchi as well as Tsukki. He means all his underclassmen.]

[The positives and negatives are mixed together. You can't genuinely feel one without the other. Not about this.

Tsukki and Yamaguchi both bow. Without even sharing a look.]

Thank you Sugawara-senpai. You deserved it. You and the other 3rd years.

["Thank you for keeping the team together," Yamaguchi adds. Voice steady as a rock.]

[Oop, just when he thought he’d cried himself out for the time being! Having these two in particular give him such an automatic show of respect proves to be too much for Suga’s emotions; he claps a hand over his mouth and nods, tears streaming down his cheeks.]

I am so - so proud of you -

Edited 2024-06-14 20:01 (UTC)

[Proud.

That's the work which breaks Tsukki open again. He swallows. Grits his teeth. Eyes darting to Yamaguchi in a plea for help. It's too much to carry any more.

Yamaguchi nods. Steps forward.

"Come on, Senpai."

With that, Tsukki and Yamaguchi cross arms across Suga's shoulders. His turn to get steered.]

[They spend one more night at the inn and while it’s nice to decompress and pull themselves back together somewhere other than the bus, it’s also torture. The place suddenly feels much too small for so many pacing, muttering, sighing, scowling, crying, overthinking boys, to the point that Suga keeps offering to run errands down to the konbini a few blocks away just to escape.

He considers asking Daichi or Tsukki to come along, but… of all the people lost in their own inner self-recriminations, those two are probably the worst off. They need time alone to untangle their snarled up thoughts.

When he’s headed for the bus the next morning, though, he’s surprised to be stopped by Yamaguchi and asked if maybe he’d like to sit with Tsukki for the ride home? Realization of just how much Yamaguchi must know crashes down on his shoulders and his face turns crimson, but he accepts the offer gratefully and does, in fact, walk right past Daichi to slide into the seat beside Tsukki instead.

As Ukai starts a head count, Suga quietly says:]

You really won the best friend jackpot, you know.

[Last night was rough. Tsukki's brain both too active and exhausted for any real sleep. He's already dozing when Suga slides in. Glasses tucked into their case.

He yawns. Blinks awake.]

I do.

[Tsukki squints across the bus and Yamaguchi waves. Grabbing a seat next to Yachi.]

I'd say I don't deserve him, but he'd come kick my ass.

[It’s going to be a quiet ride home, Suga suspects. Nearly everyone spent their nights locked in their overactive minds, if the bleary faces lining the rows of their bus are anything to go by, and exhaustion is due to set in any time.

Suga’s not sure if he’s ready for collapse yet. The need to stay alert for the others, watch over them in this time of profound disappointment and grief, is doubly strong after he spent the day before giving in to his emotions at every turn.]

Oh no, I woke you up… sorry, Tsukki. [Those words ring in his head for a moment, combined with Tsukki telling him to shut up the day before, and he laughs to himself.] Good, because you definitely do.

[Sensei lets everyone know that they’re leaving, last chance for bathroom or anything else they’ve forgotten. Resounding silence greets the announcement and the bus pulls out.]

I’m not here to keep you from sleep, though, if that’s what you need right now. Okay?

['Sorry Tsukki' gets a chuckle.]

You don't know the half of it.

[Which might be hard to believe? Suga already knows about that Middle School Crush...

Yawning again, Tsukki fishes out the glasses.]

Same to you.

I don’t feel all that sleepy, to be honest… but I’ll keep it in mind.

[The eerie silence all around them already has Suga keeping his voice to a whisper, and when he looks around…]

Jeez, looks like everyone else is already knocked out. I’m glad.

[This is... Mostly true. But if anyone's awake, they're keeping quiet. So different from their first trip. No one even points out Tokyo Tower.

Tsukki matches the quiet tone. Leaning close to Suga.]

Mm.

It feels... Weird.

Did you ever read those books about Narnia?

[It's a childish reference, but Suga won't laugh.]

Narnia… [A lot of realms from childhood literature have similar names, so Suga has to reach back in his mind to make sure he fishes out the right one.]

With the four kids that find another world? And a lot of talking animals?

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Time skip?

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